It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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