I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
