I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
