i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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