hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have fence marks all over my body
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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