I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
did i walk over a car last night?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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