She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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