i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We are two peas in an std pod
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
