Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
