Porn is love you can see.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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