Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
