You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
operation harelip BJ is a go
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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