I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
