my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
