just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
