I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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