i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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