Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
