I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
