Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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