you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
