party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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