so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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