How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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