HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
