i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
