You're so nebulous sometimes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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