I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
