somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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