Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
