Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just tell him i said nine months
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
