I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
