I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize