shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
