How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
