you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
