"it" just moved
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
