If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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