The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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