i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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