Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
