We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
