ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize