i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
