You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
