I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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