We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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