we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
