Me too!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
