Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
