also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
