I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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