apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
