Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
