I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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