Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
