How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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