it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
