I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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