Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
