Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
