got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
