One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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