i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
A bitchslap is in order.
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