I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He did a backflip because drugs
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