if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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