i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
