The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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