he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize