So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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