the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize