She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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