Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
