I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
