no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I could have mohawked her pubes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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