Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i came on her dog
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
