Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
