I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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